An Engagement Party...Whether we like it or not!

Right about now most of you, if not ALL of you are going to consider me a complete spoiled bitch. I know there are so many more important things going on in the world and now I am going to be shallow and annoying. I'm ready for the criticism, I actually welcome it, maybe it will bring me some clarity in this whole situation...

I'll try not to make this the longest post in history but here we go...

A little history -
The Sweet One has a wonderful, loving, caring family. I have been received well by them since the day I met them approximately 7 years ago. I love them as my family as well. They have all wanted us to marry since probably the first year we were together and this, I have to say, has made me feel very special and loved. For a family of mostly women that can be very harsh and judgmental, they have always accepted me and expressed to me that they would be the lucky one's to have me in their family. This is all well and good. On the other hand, the women in TSO's family can also be very intimidating (not to me b/c I'm a hard ass and find myself not easily intimidated), nosy, busy bodies, gossipy, and often feel as though they have to be involved in EVERYONE's business...They're not blatantly malicious, but sometimes it comes off that way.

2006 -
So, TSO's bro, it just so happens, is getting married this year as well. About two months before us as a matter of fact. It's a big year for their family and I think we're all pretty excited. Last Friday we got an email from one of the younger cousins informing us that Cousin #1 and Cousin #2 - two of the main women that I referenced above - were throwing us a joint engagement party with TSO's bro and his fiance. They didn't ASK if we wanted an engagement party...they TOLD us that they were throwing one. Which also makes me question their motives. Is this for them or for us? What if they invite a ton of their friends that we don't intend to invite to the actual wedding? Ummm, embarrassing!

I am against the whole engagement party thing and have been since the beginning of time (sorry if I'm offending any of you engagement party types). This makes me look like such a hypocrite because I curse people that have engagement parties and most people that know me well know this about me. My logic is that it's a lot to ask of people. There are so many other parties and celebrations surrounding our wedding that it's just unfair to ask people to join us for one more. For some this means travel, expenses, more gifts, time. I love a good party and I am all for one in my honor but I have a very large family on my side alone and we both have a lot of friends (we are having trouble cutting our wedding list down to 300 people and we're praying that only 250 or less show up). And combined with TSO's bro's guest list this could end up being the size of another wedding. I just don't think #1 and #2 know what they're getting themselves into. And to be quite honest the thought kind of stresses me out too...

Now, as much as I appreciate their generosity and their willingness to throw us an engagement party I never asked for one nor do I want one. And this my friends is where you can call me an ungrateful bitch. I don't want the headache of getting our guest list together, I don't want the headache of getting all of the addresses together, I don't want to have to tell them over and over again NO GIFTS, I don't want my friends and family saying, "another party for Bee and TSO?" I just feel the tension rise in me every time I even think about it. I know I'll have to get all of those things together (lists, addresses, etc) for invitations or what have you, but I will do that on my time. And honestly, maybe it's just a control thing. I find it very hard to give up the reigns and leave a party as big as this in the hands of other people. What if it's not how I would do it? What if it's not the way I want it? What if the time, place, whatever are not what I want? I just find it so hard to let it just be whatever they want it to be...I know this is probably the wrong approach but I just don't know how else to feel about this.

On the other hand, I feel like if I say I don't want it, which I CAN NOT do, I will be missing out on a great thing. Actually, I know I will be. It's just not an option. I mean, a party to celebrate our engagement? That is just so nice and we are so lucky that people love us so much that they want to celebrate something that we are so totally excited about. There will be food and drinks and great company, a LOT of great company. I won't have to lift a finger or worry about a thing. I won't have to arrange for the food or drinks or anything for that matter. We will just sit back, relax and have a great time.

Why can't I just let go and be happy about this? Is it because I know that I won't be able to stay out of the planning and such? Is it because I know I won't be able to sit back and relax while I'm waited on hand and foot? It's just not my way. I don't operate like that. I guess I have to find a way to release a little bit of control, be grateful for the loving family that we have and stop being such an ungrateful bitch because it appears we're having an engagement party, whether we like it or not...