I want to know when Sharon Stone decided that my 7th grade hair do and style was cool again? If I would have known, damn! I could have given her some pointers like BIGGER BANGS Sharon, BIGGER BANGS!

Okay, so the weekend...I am going to tell you an infuriating story. It seems I've had plenty of them lately. So, sit back, relax and enjoy the stories of my hell.

So, as I mentioned before the weekend, the Sweet One and I were involuntarily thrown into co-hosting an engagement party for his brother and his soon to be wife on Saturday. TSO is the best man so we had no qualms with pitching in and making the party a success. Now, the friends that decided to have this party have a lot on their plate. The wife is very pregnant and they are planning to move to Florida very soon so it probably wasn't an ideal time for them to decide to do this...whatever!

Well, when we told them that we would help out I guess they decided that meant we would go out and buy EVERYTHING! We went to what we like to call Hell On Earth, or as others call it, Costco. It pretty much just got TSO and I annoyed and taking it out on each other which sucked. We bought 4 - 36 packs of beer and then another 3 cases that we had already got at home. We bought about $200 worth of wine and about $140 worth of beef tenderloin. All in all we spent about $600 at Hell. I don't know about you but I can't afford to throw anyone a $600 party so I was a little freaked out but I knew that we would somehow divide all the costs up and split it between all of the "hosts".

So, while we were shopping for the wine we had a brilliant idea. Instead of buying single, small, skinny bottles of wine, why don't we double our money, be a little bit more economical and buy the fatter bottles. You all know what I mean right? Same kind of wine that we planned to drink just in bigger bottles. Therefore saving us some money AND providing more wine for more people. We thought it was a novel idea!

So we get all the shit home. TSO, being the lovely man that he is, drives all of it over to the jerks house that are having the party. Once there the male host, we'll call him Slimy Joe, said to TSO, "I can't believe you bought cans" referencing the beer...Now, I don't know about your high Falootin' parties but where I live cans are standard and I don't know too many people that are offended by them.

So Saturday morning rolls around and the female host, we'll call her Sally May, calls me. She thanks me in her southern twang for "runnin' to the store and all, and droppin' everything over, BUT..." OH HERE IT COMES...the dreaded BUT!! She says "we didn't want to offend you and all but we were thinkin' you'd get just single bottles of wine. So we were thinkin' you could return this wine and we'd run out and git some other bottles today, is that okay with you?". As I was picking my jaw up off the floor I tried to process the conversation that was taking place but all I could get out was, "I don't care what you do, put the wine aside and we'll take it back". I was SO LIVID I could almost see red. I tried to rationalize from both sides. I went from laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation to being utterly pissed and disgusted with their stuck up, bitchy behavior. It pretty much ruined the night. I had a ton of wedding shit to do so that altered the timing of our day then I had to get home to COOK FOR THIS PARTY! Oh yeah, did I fail to mention that I also had to bring two dishes? Whoops... We ended up showing up late to the party. Sally May gave us attitude when we walked in the door and oh I gave it right back. I think I stunned the little bitch. Slimy Joe kept making comedic comments about the situation, I presume to kind of break the ice but I wasn't having it. I think I put him in his place a few times too.

Here is my thing...when I go to a party or hell, when someone throws a party for me, I would NEVER pay attention to the size of the bottle that my wine comes out of. As a matter of fact I would probably be happy that someone thought to stock up as I tend to be quite the whine-o some times. I just don't get it. Are some people that fucking concerned with appearances that a large bottle is so taboo? I mean, give me a fucking break. I wanted to knock Sally May over the head with one of those large bottles and try to pound some sense into her, but that wouldn't have been very lady like! Oh heavens no...Am I being the crazy one? Is anyone else offended by big bottles of wine? Do I need a lesson in party "hosting"? I just wanted to tell them off and let them know, next time, either be very specific or go out and get your own shit. By the way, no one told you to have a party when you're 80 months pregnant and planning a huge move! AAHHH this is the second weekend in a row where I couldn't wait for Monday to roll around! Sad huh?