Still kind of down in the dumps. My mom sent me an email about something random to disguise her plea for forgiveness. At the end she said, "I am sorry for harping on the same thing all the time. I hope you will start talking to me soon. I Love You..." It just made me sadder. My mom is my best friend and we speak a few times a day. Not speaking to her at all is so hard but I can't speak to her for fear of getting upset and not being able to get out what needs to be said.

I think I'll draft an email to her and really concentrate on being honest, getting the right things out and not making it any worse. Every time something happens, a wedding plan moves forward, anything goes on I pick up the phone to call my mom, then I remember that we're not speaking and it sucks. But I can't "give in". I don't REALLY see it as giving in but I definitely think some things need to be said before we can go back to the way we were.

I am the kind of paranoid freak that thinks, what if something were to happen to my mom and THIS is how we left things? I know I shouldn't think that way but I do and it scares me. I would die, and THAT is why I need to try and make things right, my way, soon! That will be my goal for the next day or two...Wish me luck!

I dropped TSO off at the airport this morning for the bachelor party weekend...Yikes! he he